First of all, I know I should have written earlier. No excuse except for some deep laziness, overwhelming first two month at my new job and the complete and utter exhaustion that comes with starting a new job. This is the first weekend where I have a few hours to myself. I’m sitting on my mom’s balcony, keep hydrated with water and listen to music mixed with the neighbor’s lawnmower.
Do I like my new job? Yes I think I do. And that is all you get, because not even my friends and family get more. ^^ I still feel reluctant to scream with all my heart that this is the job I was waiting for all my life. But on the same time, I also feel reluctant to say: “This is wrong; I need to be somewhere else.”
I think I can compare it with yarn I bought over a year ago. My mom asked me to find yarn for her that doesn’t look like it just came straight from a painting by Picasso. She wanted a “shawl that she can also wear to work”. She is working for a security firm, so the colors of her uniform are grey and grey oh and did I mention grey? Some dark blue is also involved. I found this beautiful soft sock yarn Ein und alles – Firmament Mondfinsternis by Drachenwolle and it is in a variegated colorway in greys and dark blues. I think it will make a perfect fit with my mom’s uniform but it is also perfect for her everyday wardrobe.
And that’s where the story of this beautiful yarn stops. It never wants to become the pattern I chose. It only takes me a few frustrating rows to figure out, that once again I’ve chosen a pattern that doesn’t fit this yarn. I never had this before. Most of the time I buy yarn and already have a pattern in my mind. And even if the yarn decides it wants to become something else, I always find the right project in no time. Not with this yarn.
My last try was the Jeweled Cowl by Sachiko Uemura. I picked nice beads that fit perfectly but weren’t too eccentric. I started knitting, found that the needle size worked and that the pattern went right to my brain and I didn’t need to think too much, which, to be honest, is just perfect for now. I started with the first beaded row and with some small starting difficulties managed to add the beads. And then the second beaded row started and that’s where this project failed me. As nice as the Drachenwolle is, it is not completely even and I couldn’t find one bead that would go over this part of the yarn. And I gave up because I realized, this yarn doesn’t want to become the Jeweled Cowl.
I and my tasks at work are the yarn. I like most of the tasks I spend my days with and I’m apparently not too bad at them either. I’m just right now still not sure if the surroundings are the perfect pattern for me, if I want to become this project. Does this sound crazy? It does, doesn’t it? I just want to wait. I want to go on a few more rows, maybe invest into some beads before I decide that this is the pattern I want to become. And that’s why my new job is fine right now. It’s okay. I’m not running away screaming, because it is once again Monday morning. Let’s wait and see if by the end I finish this pattern and add some nice and beautiful beads.